FM Weekly 4.45

12 February 2024

Some expanded thoughts of what I wrote and shared on IG about my experience and successes with long covid brain fog. I have accepted that I may never return to full function, and of course that’s incredibly sad to me. As someone whose entire work these days is sitting and thinking, deeply, across topics, crafting language to establish frameworks for justifying my arguments, the new experience of brain fatigue is one to continue to manage. But / and / also, I am okay.

on long covid brain fog:

• it’s worlds better than May - Nov last year (the first six months after my primary COVID infection). some days are better than others. instead of feeling like I’m pulling my thoughts through mud and having regular memory losses and word recall issues, my brain will feel tired and I’ll need to stop what I’m doing, usually for the rest of the day. the unpredictable pacing of my attention, focus, and mental endurance makes some days very productive and some days full rest. that is still challenging for me to manage.

• slowing down my thinking and closing my eyes to visualize a thought or idea is now a part of my everyday practice. this is something I’ve had to work to accept. I’m very self-conscious while doing it in conversation with others, but have a lot of grace and compassion for myself knowing I’ve healed significantly. people who like to finish my sentences or presume what I’m going to say while my eyes are closed and I’m still talking through something are my least favorite people these days. an interruption in a flow of thought will completely derail me. my slowness is not to be sped up or managed by others. don’t be someone who finishes another’s sentences unless they gesture for your help in doing so.

• whether it’s brain fog or overlapping ADD or perimenopause (since my hysterectomy) continues to be an unanswerable question. talking with someone about HRT is next on the list.

• low dose Adderall has changed the game for me. endlessly grateful to have found a psychiatrist who listens.